Men Writing Women Characters - Mistakes To Avoid (2024)

Today I’m delighted to introduce Savannah Cordova, a talented writer who’s kindly put together a post on a hot topic in the world of writing: men writing women characters.

There still seems to be a problem for some males when it comes to writing female characters. Most of the time I think it’s inadvertent. Simply misguided. But that’s no excuse.

In this writing guide, we’ll look at some examples of women written by men, discuss great sources of information like r/menwritingwomen, and look at the pitfalls that male authors can fall into when writing female characters in fiction.

Select A Section

1. How Not To Write Female Characters
2. Men Writing Women – 5 Mistakes To Watch Out For
3. Interesting Posts From r/menwritingwomen
4. Adjectives To Describe Physical Appearance
5. Men Writing Women Characters In The Fantasy Genre
6. Women Writing Men
7. Men Writing Women Characters FAQ
8. More Guides On Men Writing Women

How Not To Write Female Characters

A common issue that I see crop up is male authors writing female characters in objectifying ways. Bizarre similes for describing boobs, over-zealous descriptions of body shape. Essentially, how not to write female characters.

One of the most hilarious and famous examples of bad male writing involves the line, “she breasted boobily down the stairs…” Now you may think that’s a wind up; trust me, it isn’t.

Let’s look at some other examples of times male authors have gotten it wrong.

This next example comes from author Stuart Woods who has a curious take on the uses of the vagin*. For more great examples, check out the Twitter account, Men Write Women.

Who knows what goes through these writers’ minds? I’m sure if women wrote in detail about men’s co*cks and bollocks there’d be something of a stir. And a complaint would be, why is this relevant?

And herein lies the issue. Unless you’re writing a sexy romance, there really isn’t a need to delve into the fullness of lips, for example. It’s one of the biggest pitfalls encountered when it comes to men writing women.

If you’d like to check out more bizarre descriptions of bad male writing, there are a bunch of websites cataloguing them. You can find yourself scrolling for hours snigg*ring at some of the utterly outrageous descriptions some people come up with. Below, you can find some of the sources for finding these examples:

• r/menwritingwomen
• r/badwomensanatomy
• Search on Twitter for #menwritingwomen

I’ve recently gone through the process of writing and editing my debut novel,Pariah’s Lament, which features a female protagonist called Isy. I wrote Isy as a person without thinking much about her gender or physical appearance.

The focus for me was on who she was, what motivated her, what terrified her. Everything else seemed a bit irrelevant. And this seems to be a common trend with female leads. The fact they’re female makes no difference whatsoever.

Can A Man Write Women’s Fiction?

An author’s gender does not define their writing. However, there are some differences in the way men and women write about each other. The question is, can a man write women’s fiction?

Some people believe that men cannot understand the emotions and thoughts of a woman. Others believe that if a man is so talented, he should be able to write about any character with ease.

One way to answer this question is to look at the definition of “women’s fiction.” Women’s fiction, in general, is any work that centers on the lives and experiences of women. This definition means that men can write about women without being called out for it.

Let’s take a look at some specific examples of mistakes that could be made by men when writing about women characters.

Men Writing Women – 5 Mistakes To Watch Out For

We’re probably all familiar with the classic character mistakes authors can make: failing to create any backstory, forgetting realistic character motivations, and falling victim to overall inconsistent characterization.

But for male authors writing female characters (and vice-versa), there’s a whole other set of potential problems — simply because it’s difficult to get full insight into a gender other than your own. No matter how many friends you consult or questions you earnestly Google, you just won’t have that inherent lived experience of the gender you’re writing about.

Many (indeed, I’d hazard most) male authors these days are pretty careful about how they write women. That said, there are certain pitfalls that male authors seem to run into time and time again — even some of the best-known authors in literature! I’m here to address some of those pitfalls, in hopes of helping male authors avoid them in the future.

(Of course, none of this is to say that some female authors don’t have similar issues with writing male characters; they, too, can suffer from the lack of firsthand experience. But as a woman who’s read my fair share of poorly rendered female characters written by men, I feel more qualified to comment on this particular issue.)

So without further ado, here are five common mistakes male authors make when writing female characters, which you should avoid at all costs.

1. Substituting appearance for personality

Many male writers have historically used personality and appearance interchangeably, at least when it comes to their female characters. The writer who makes this mistake will often lead off with a detailed description of the woman in question, then go on to develop her personality very little (or not at all) over the course of the story — except in terms of her relationship to men.

Again, many a male writer has committed this particular sin of characterization, but perhaps none more notoriously than Charles Bukowski. Here are the opening lines to his story “The Most Beautiful Woman in Town”:

Cass was the youngest and most beautiful of five sisters. Cass was the most beautiful girl in town. Half Indian with a supple and strange body, a snake-like and fiery body with eyes to go with it. Cass was fluid and moving fire. She was like a spirit struck into a form that would not hold her. Her hair was black and long and silken and moved and whirled about, as did her body.

Besides being quite off-putting to female readers (no woman wants to see one of her own so blatantly objectified, even if she’s a fictional character), this description creates an illusion of personality where there actually is none. In a classic misuse of “show, don’t tell,” just because a woman looks wild doesn’t mean she actually is — and even if she is, you’re going to need a lot more substance to corroborate that before the reader will believe it. So here’s a gentle tip for male authors: if you’re stuck for how to start a story, there are plenty of other options besides fixating on a woman’s appearance.

2. Over-emphasizing certain physical aspects – male authors describing female characters

This is perhaps the biggest way things can go wrong when it comes to men writing women. Another major mistake male authors make is over-emphasizing certain physical aspects of female characters. The main features I’m talking about here are those that society thinks of as distinctly “feminine,” e.g. hair, hips, and breasts.

A lot of male authors seem to think that if they don’t emphasize these things, the reader will forget that the character in question is female. Speaking as a woman, allow me to assure you that we will not. In fact, we’d be more comfortable never having to read descriptions like these again.

Plenty of examples come to mind here, too, but one is Jim Butcher’s usage of the phrase “tips of the breasts” in the Dresden Files series. Don’t get me wrong, Butcher is a great writer, and I appreciate what he’s trying to do by not saying “nipples” outright — but the overall effect is gratuitous at best and cringe-worthy at worst.

In the immortal words of Pam Beesly, the rules for writing about women are pretty much the same as selling to women: “Don’t insult body. Don’t compliment body. Don’t mention body at all.

3. Using female characters primarily to support male ones

This mistake can come in many forms, from the well-intentioned but ultimately detrimental “manic pixie dream girl” trope (in which the quirky female character helps the male character “find himself”) to women flat-out being used as props — or worse yet, breeders.

One of the most disappointing instances of this is Petra Arkanian, one of the most interesting characters in Ender’s Game (one of the best sci-fi books of all time, if you’ve never heard of it). Yet as the series progresses, we see Petra’s primary role become that of a mother, rather than the fearless, independent warrior she was in the first book. Not that there’s anything wrong with being a mother. But for Petra specifically, it’s incongruous and a complete departure from her previous motivations and personality.

Essentially, everything else about her character falls away so that she can serve the purpose of having children… and when she loses her first partner, she simply goes on to have more children for another male character. Needless to say, that’s a pretty disappointing character arc to watch unfold. Especially for readers who were so excited by her potential in the first book. This is a big way it can go wrong for male writers writing female characters.

4. Depicting friendships between women as shallow/catty

Luckily, this one seems to be getting increasingly rare. It’s still worth noting for male authors trying to write realistic female relationships. Contrary to stereotypical belief, friendships between women are not all about men, nor do they involve constant emotional backstabbing. Yes, women might be jealous of each other and even fight. But in any healthy female friendship, these occasions are the exception — not the rule.

Rather than giving an example of what not to do in this case, I’ll give you an example of an empowering, realistic female friendship, though admittedly it starts off on shaky ground. In Legally Blonde, Elle Woods and Vivian Kensington are initially enemies when Elle finds out that Vivian is dating her ex-boyfriend, Warner. However, in the course of working together and getting to know one another, the two women realize they have much more in common than not.

By the end of the movie, Vivian has broken up with Warner, and she and Elle are best friends — because a good friendship can, and should, be just as important to a woman (if not more so) than a relationship with a man. This is a critical thing to remember when it comes to writing female characters. Unless she’s genuinely a bad friend (and to be fair, some female characters might be), she’s not going to choose a guy over everything else.

5. Not getting a female beta reader

While this tip isn’t technically about characterization itself, getting a female beta reader in the editing process is one of the easiest ways to save yourself from making critical character mistakes like these. A female beta reader has that inherent lived experience I talked about before — the kind that male authors simply don’t.

And just as you might employ a sensitivity reader if you were writing about a minority group or culture other than your own, you can employ a beta reader to point out inconsistencies or details that ring false in your portrayal of women. This can be especially helpful if you’re a male writer who’s constructing a female protagonist, or if you haven’t written from a female perspective before. Even if you don’t think you need one, you should consider it; you don’t want to end up accidentally sounding like this guy.

Savannah Cordova is a writer with Reedsy, a marketplace that connects authors and publishers with the world’s best editors, designers, and marketers. In her spare time, Savannah enjoys reading contemporary fiction and writing short stories. She often blogs about the issues surrounding men writing women.

Interesting Posts From r/menwritingwomen

If you’ve not checked out the Sub-Reddit, r/menwritingwomen, you should head over there. If you’re looking for more guidance on how to write female characters, this is the place to go.

People are always sharing examples of what not to do, and it’s in seeing these negative examples of bad male writing that we can learn a lot. Plus, there are lots of positive examples shared too.

Adjectives to Describe Physical Appearance

Now one of the tricky things when it comes to writing about any characters is finding and using the right words to describe them.

As we’ve established above, it’s not necessary to focus on appearance, particularly the female anatomy, especially if it isn’t relevant (which most of the time it isn’t).

So to help us avoid the pitfalls set out above, we can enrich our vocabulary with more pleasing adjectives. And to help you do that here’s an awesome list of physical descriptions.

I also recommend checking out my guide on writing prose. It discusses different methods you can adopt to help create vivid images in your reader’s mind. You never know, it could make all the difference to your writing.

Men Writing Women Characters In The Fantasy Genre

As a fantasy author, I think it appropriate to discuss the issue in the context of the fantasy genre.

Historically, there have been some erroneous attitudes taken to the portrayal of women. If they’re not the princess in the tower waiting to be saved by the brave hero, they’re wearing improbably scanty leather armour.

These tropes and cliches of women characters in fantasy need to be banished. And thankfully, that’s the case. With a new wave of brilliant female fantasy authors taking the stage, from Leigh Bardugo to Sarah J Maas, the portrayal of women has massively improved, and long may it continue.

The trick is, and it’s not difficult, is to write women characters as people. We all have the same human reactions. Ignore the cliches and all the other nonsense you may have heard. This is what I did with Isy in Pariah’s Lament, something lots of readers appreciated, and what lots of other authors better than me have done. Look at George RR Martin in the Song of Ice and Fire series for a great example of men writing women characters the right way.

Women Writing Men

This guide isn’t tirely devoted to looking at women written by men. I thought it’d be useful to look at the reverse too for it isn’t just men who fall foul of getting the likes of descriptions wrong. There are a few threads dedicated to women writing men, such as:

• r/womenwritingmen
• r/badmensanatomy

Here’s a little example that made me laugh.

As a man or woman, if you’re ever unsure of something you’ve written, ask! If you don’t know someone of the opposite sex well enough, ask people on social media, or head over to the likes of r/askwomen. There’s no need to settle for bad male writing or bad female writing.

These problems are easily fixable. It always helps to get a beta reader of the opposite sex to check over your work before submitting or publishing. That way, you cover all fronts and don’t run into any of these issues. Plus, Savannah’s tips on men writing women below will help you out too…

Men Writing Women Characters FAQ

In this last section of this guide to male writers writing female characters, I’ve included answers to some frequently asked questions on the subject.

Thank you for reading this guide on men writing women characters.